It’s Friday night. Your star quarterback just threw his third interception in front of several college scouts he was hoping to impress. He slams his helmet, refuses to look at his teammates, and you hear him mutter, “I’m definitely not getting a scholarship now; I’m worthless.” That is more than disappointment; that is an identity crisis in shoulder pads. 

Today's athletes often anchor their identity in athletic performance rather than in Christ. When career-ending injuries occur, or when the scholarship offer or highlight reel falters, anxiety and despair rush in. As their coach, you are in the prime position to notice it, name it biblically, and point them to their eternal identity in Christ.

Here are common ways players experience anxiety, why misplaced identity in athletics is so dangerous, and how to shepherd them toward Christ.

Performance & Identity Anxiety - The Core Problem

Athletes spend countless hours perfecting their skills and studying their sport. Some may do it out of sheer joy for their sport, but others may be career-pathing toward a professional position. Their entire future hinges on working hard enough to win competitions or games, be noticed by recruiters, and obtain prestigious scholarships. Not only does the athlete experience intense pressure from himself to make each game or performance perfect, but he is also likely aware of others' expectations.

The time and money his parents invested in his sport, how any small failure may have a significant impact on his whole team, and caving under the hopes and pressures his coach has for him. These circumstances consume the athlete, leading him to place his primary identity in his sport. This can show up in players in many ways, such as:

• Catastrophic reactions to failure (tears, rage, quitting, self-harm talk), because experiencing failure is equated to being a failure.
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• Perfectionism, fear of benching, refusing to try new positions, or playing through an injury.
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• Post-game depression even after a win if personal stats weren’t perfect.
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Teach your athletes that they are image-bearers of God first , created to do the good works God has prepared for them.  Too many times, they displace this with being a football player, a gymnast, a baseball player, etc. The Philippians needed to be reminded of their primary identity as well. Paul wrote in Philippians 3:20, “Our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly wait for a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” As we do not place our identity in our earthly citizenship, we likewise should not put it in athletics.

Future and Comparison Anxiety—Branches of the Same Root

Athletes are under unrelenting pressure not just to succeed in each moment, but also to ensure future success. Choosing a college is daunting at best. Not only do your athletes have a preference, but they are powerless to control which schools are interested in them. Students lie awake, worried about choosing the right school, getting the right offer, or risking their future.  This is the same heart that the Israelites had in Numbers 14:1—4, sobbing in the wilderness yearning to return to slavery. The certainty slavery offered felt safer than trusting God with the outcome of their uncertain future.

When player identities are in athletics rather than in Christ, hearts posture in self-sufficiency rather than reliance on God. Any real or perceived failure results in a lack of self-worth, feeling like a nobody, or the belief that they have already peaked in their athletic careers.

Instagram and Hudl highlight reels have become the new measuring stick of value. A student watches a 5-star recruit with 100K followers and thinks, “That should be me.” It’s Psalm 73 in real time: Asaph looked jealously at the well-curated lives of the wicked and said, “I am afflicted all day long and punished every morning (v 14),” until he entered the sanctuary and remembered eternity (v 16—17). Today’s sanctuary moment is when a coach pulls a phone-obsessed, anxious player aside and says, “Five years from now, no one will remember that clip, but Jesus will still call you His.”

The Coach’s Role — Guide Them from Performance to Christ

When mentoring and working with anxious, depressed, or suffering individuals, it is always best to remember Ephesians 4:29: “No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” Your words should not be unbecoming for a representative of Christ, but rather appropriate for the moment, and encouraging. While you may have something true to say, “If you practiced how I told you, you wouldn’t have screwed up the shot,” consider your timing. Never minimize (“It’s just a game”), shame (“man up”), or compare generations (“We never cried about this in the 90s”).

Here are three simple, repeatable moves to point your player from performance to Christ:

1. Name it kindly – Pull your player aside and privately encourage him, “Hey, I can see that mistake is crushing you. That’s a heavier weight than one play should carry. What’s got you so worried?”
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3. Ask the identity question – Gently prod the heart, “What are you believing about yourself right now? Why does this one game shake you so much?”
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5. Reframe their identity from athlete to Christian who is athletic - Speak the gospel into the lie, “You’re not playing to prove who you are or what you’re worth. God has already determined that you are valuable and important.”

Anxiety roars in when a player believes that their worth and future are on the line every possession. But you, the coach, get to speak the better word: “You are in Christ, and that never changes. Win or lose.” 

5 Practical Steps for Coaches

Pray: Pray in the moment with and for your player, focusing on how God has made him unique, and intentionally, not just his talents but also his weaknesses. Pray that his abilities and wins lead him to praise God, and his losses and weaknesses remind him to seek his strength from the Lord.

Prepare (Study & resources): Jonathan Holmes recently wrote the book Grounded in Grace: Helping Kids Build Their Identity in Christ, which, while written for parents as the primary audience, is an excellent short book that benefits anyone working with youth. For teens specifically, consider David Murray's Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen’s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression. He also wrote a companion book entitled Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?: A Guide for Helping Teens Through Anxiety and Depression. Like Holmes’ book, while the primary audience is parents, it is an invaluable book for anyone working regularly with anxious and depressed youth and young adults. 

Practice (Daily habits): Regularly remind your players that they are to work unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23) and that they are not first athletes, but first a Christian saved by grace, who God has gifted athletically.

Perform (Game-time application): Incorporate breath as prayer into your game-time preparation. From the sidelines, take a deep inhale, praying from Psalm 56:3: “When I am afraid”, hold your breath for a moment, and pray while exhaling slowly, “I will trust in you”. 

Persevere (Evaluation and long-term faithfulness): Remind your players of Philippians 3:12—21 to reframe their performance. Even Paul admits he has not reached the goal or been made perfect in sanctification. We must all remember that our occupations, skills, and talents are subordinate to our identity in Christ. We should follow Paul in verses 13—14, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.”