One of the clearest proofs of Christlikeness is the ability to forgive someone, no matter the offense. Jesus puts this in perspective by describing the servant with an astronomical debt to his king who was graciously forgiven. Yet, afterward, the servant made a beeline to a peer who had a much smaller (comparatively) debt and mercilessly required repayment (Matt 18:21-35).

The gist of the parable is not that we should overlook bad money management or lack firmness with freeloaders. The point is that Jesus has first forgiven us. Countless times. The offenses we have committed against Him far outweigh any offense we have committed to our fellow man. Therefore, if Jesus can forgive us, then we have no excuse to forgive others. Yet the Bible actually expects more of us than eventually forgiving wrongdoers. There is an urgency by which we need to forgive.

The Bible expects Christians to shorten the gap between offense and forgiveness. Reconciliation should be a Christian’s highest priority, especially with other believers. Here are two instances where the Bible describes the posture of forgiveness of the believer:

Forgiving by Admitting Your Offense

Rare is the situation when a broken relationship is the fault of only one of the two parties. Jesus makes it clear that the pursuit of a reconciled relationship trumps any devotional act of worship because it preserves personal purity. “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.” (Matt 5:23-24)

Jesus acknowledges that hope in a broken relationship requires someone to approach the other. As a Christian, the expectation is that you would approach the offended party and apologize for any wrong committed. Even if the wrong you own is truly 1% of the entire whole, being the first to make the move encourages the other to also confess.

Forgiving by Forsaking Your Rights

You may have already confessed your ownership over part of the problem and asked for forgiveness only to receive crickets on the other end. Or perhaps you were never at fault in the first place. Look out. You can easily develop bitterness toward this person and sin against them in your heart.

The Bible provides an example through Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 9. The passage comes on the heels of Paul explaining that Christians ought not take advantage of their liberties in Christ (who fulfilled the Mosaic Law) so that young believers would not fall into sin through their weaker consciences. See here how Paul navigates how Christians should consider their freedom in Christ around others: “What then is my reward? That, when I proclaim the gospel, I may offer the gospel without charge, so as not to make full use of my authority in the gospel. For though I am free from all, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more,” (1 Cor 9:18-19). Paul is speaking specifically about how he and Barnabas were working for pay instead of accepting an offering, though they had a right to request and expect an offering from the church. Paul’s main concern was how the gospel would be interpreted if he had insisted on pay from the church. Christ Himself emptied all of His rights as God to walk among us on earth (Phil 2:5-7). Likewise, we let go of our “right to withhold forgiveness” from those who have wronged us so that the gospel can go forth unimpeded.

I acknowledge that this is hard. Picking up your cross is hard by design. But, “so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men,” (Rom 12:18). The Bible calls for swift, gospel-informed forgiveness because we ultimately look ahead to a time when all things are made right. The momentary afflictions of today are nothing compared to the glory that awaits us. This is why forgiveness is possible, even if the person we are dealing with is “unforgivable.” Nobody is unforgivable in the eyes of Christ.