Occasionally, that moment comes up in a conversation, when you realize this talk about football isn’t the real focus. So, as a good coach, mentor, friend, or brother, you ask what’s on his mind. Next thing you know, he is confessing a struggle with pornography. In one sense, it’s never a surprise in this sinful and broken world. We live in a culture absolutely obsessed with sex. Everywhere you look is an invitation to gratify the flesh.

It shouldn't shock us that even in the church, 69% of men wrestle with compulsive sexual sin. So, how can we help? What do we actually say or do to be an encouragement in this moment and in future conversations? This is the first of a four-part series on the struggles of pornography. In this group of articles, I’ll address the three primary aspects of sexual struggle - spiritual, emotional, and physiological.  

Before we begin discussing the aspects of sexual sin, I want to state how important it is when encouraging someone who is struggling in this way, to remind them that sexual desire itself is not a sin. Most people who understand what the Bible calls sin are often deep in shame over their struggle, and often have never considered or been taught what is good and biblical. As a result they not only feel the shame of their sin, but also shame over the desire itself. So, I think it's always necessary to state that sexual desire isn’t a bad thing. God our Father is the author and creator of sex.

After God created man and woman in Genesis 1 and 2, God said, ^{24 "}This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. ²⁵ Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame” (Gen 2:24-25). God’s good design was that a man and woman, in the context of marriage, would be spiritually and emotionally connected. That connection would naturally overflow into enjoyable sex. In Proverbs, a man is encouraged to take a wife and delight and drink deeply of sexual love.

(Prov 5:15-19)

We could summarize it like this: God has given us the gift of sex as a means of showing His glory, delighting in worship, and fulfilling His design for procreation, intimacy, and physical pleasure.  But, it must occur under the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, a husband and wife, for life. God has designed you to have sexual desire, and has designed sex to be both beautiful and wonderful in His good design. Both sexes having this desire is good and healthy. So typically, God will not take away that desire. Rather, he calls us to embrace the boundaries and wisdom His Word provides in those desires.

Lastly, when men confess to me a struggle with pornography, I always encourage them to write a full confession (not in graphic detail but in total honesty). I then ask them to read it to me and two other men who are safe and trustworthy believers. This accomplishes three purposes:

1. 1)  It allows me to understand the full scope of the struggle which enables me to biblically encourage them.
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3. 2)  It helps them to stop hiding the sin and to bring it into the light. It allows them to start engaging in the struggle instead of trying to maintain a false image. It also allows them to be known in a deeper way and to be loved, not for what they do but because they are made in the image of God.
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5. 3)  It provides three Christian brothers to build accountability and trust. Something we will talk more about in subsequent articles.
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In Part 2, I'll share the dangers of replacing loneliness and insufficient feelings with pornography.