Rejection is painful. It can cut to the core. Most everyone has felt the sting of rejection, whether it be not getting our dream coaching job, being overlooked for a promotion, getting cut from a team, or criticism on social media, it all can hurt. This is because God created us to relate to others, we are not designed to live isolated lives. So, facing rejection from another person can be intimidating. But the issue is not that rejection is painful, the issue is that we can start to become consumed by what others think of us because we want to avoid being rejected. No person wants to be rejected, but we must guard against becoming consumed by the fear of rejection.
The Fear of Rejection Reveals Our Hearts
We must address the motivations of the fear of rejection, and when thinking about the fear of rejection we must frame it biblically, which means asking, whose approval are we living for? When we are dealing with the fear of rejection a helpful verse to meditate on and consider is Galatians 1:10; “For am I now trying to persuade people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Because it gets to the heart of the problem, we are either going to be focused and motivated to please God or consumed by pleasing people. When we are consumed by what people will think of us, especially when we fear they might reject us, it can cause us to make sinful choices and decisions if we think it will protect us from being rejected.
Think of Peter by the fire the night that Christ was arrested (see Luke 22:54-62). The fear of rejection often produces anxiety, insecurity, resentment, bitterness and compromising principles. What people say about us becomes more important than what Scripture says about us. We desire security and acceptance, yet we often look for it from other people rather than finding it in God through Christ. As country singer Johnny Lee puts it “I was looking for love in all the wrong places.” But there is an important distinction to make, The opposite of the fear of rejection is not becoming indifferent to what others think; it is caring most about what God thinks. That frees us to love and serve others rather than be consumed by the fear of rejection.
The Gospel Frees Us From the Fear of Rejection
So, then what is the cure for the fear of rejection? It is to find our identity, security and safety in Christ. Romans 8:31-39 displays this truth for us, walking through these verses helps illuminate the way the gospel sets us free from the fear of rejection. The apostle Paul points us to the truth that not only is God for us, but he also gave his Son for us, and He is the one who justifies. Christ died for us and was raised, and not only that but Christ is interceding on our behalf for us. Perhaps the most comforting truth for those of us who struggle with the fear of rejection, there is nothing that can separate us from God’s love for us in Christ. His love for us is not based on our performance but rather Christ’s performance. Christ faced the ultimate rejection on the cross so that we could be reconciled to God.
So, when we face rejection, we can take comfort in knowing that Christ sympathizes with us, he understands the pain of rejection because he experienced it. So we can rest assured that there is security in God’s love for us. Will rejection still happen to us? Sadly, yes. Will rejection still sting? Unfortunately, also yes. But it will not consume us or control us, our focus will be on pleasing and glorifying God rather than trying to win the approval of others at all costs. We will put our trust and identity fully in Christ rather than in man’s opinion of us. The great theologian, Augustine, puts it wisely “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” When our hearts finally rest in Christ, rejection loses the power to define us because our identity rests securely in Him.
Summary: Fear of rejection is something every athlete and coach will experience, but it does not have to control us. This article examines how the fear of rejection often reveals a deeper desire for the approval of others and shows how the gospel frees us to find our identity, security, and acceptance in Christ rather than in the opinions of people.